NYEPI: Bali's day of silence Part 2

The lead upto Nyepi day is as follows:

Melasti or Mekiyis or Melis (three days before Nyepi)
Melasti is meant to clean the pratima or arca or pralingga (statue), with symbols that help to concentrate the mind in order to become closer to God. The ceremony is aimed to clean all nature and its content, and also to take the Amerta (the source for eternal life) from the ocean or other water resources (ie lake, river, etc). Three days before Nyepi, all the effigies of the Gods from all the village temples are taken to the river in long and colourful ceremonies. There, they have are bathed by the Neptune of the Balinese Lord, the God Baruna, before being taken back home to their shrines.
Tawur Kesanga (the day before Nyepi)
Exactly one day before Nyepi, all villages in Bali hold a large exorcism ceremony at the main village cross road, the meeting place of demons. They usually make Ogoh-ogoh (the fantastic monsters or evil spirits or the Butha Kala made of bamboo) for carnival purposes. The Ogoh-ogoh monsters symbolize the evil spirits surrounding our environment which have to be got rid of from our lives . The carnivals themselves are held all over Bali following sunset. Bleganjur, a Balinese gamelan music accompanies the procession. Some are giants taken from classical Balinese lore. All have fangs, bulging eyes and scary hair and are illuminated by torches.The procession is usually organised by the Seka Teruna, the youth organisation of Banjar. When Ogoh-ogoh is being played by the Seka Teruna, everyone enjoys the carnival. In order to make a harmonic relation between human being and God, human and human, and human and their environments, Tawur Kesanga is performed in every level of society, from the people's house. In the evening, the Hindus celebrating Ngerupuk, start making noises and light burning torches and set fire to the Ogoh-ogoh in order to get the Bhuta Kala, evil spirits, out of our lives.
Nyepi
On Nyepi day itself, every street is quiet - there are nobody doing their normal daily activities. There is usually Pecalangs (traditional Balinese security man) who controls and checks for street security. Pecalang wear a black uniform and a Udeng or Destar (a Balinese traditional "hat" that is usually used in ceremony). The Pecalangs main task is not only to control the security of the street but also to stop any activities that disturb Nyepi. No traffic is allowed, not only cars but also people, who have to stay in their own houses. Light is kept to a minimum or not at all, the radio or TV is turned down and, of course, no one works. Even love making, this ultimate activity of all leisure times, is not supposed to take place, nor even attempted. The whole day is simply filled with the barking of a few dogs, the shrill of insect and is a simple long quiet day in the calendar of this otherwise hectic island. On Nyepi the world expected to be clean and everything starts anew, with Man showing his symbolic control over himself and the "force" of the World, hence the mandatory religious control.
Ngembak Geni (the day after Nyepi)
Ngembak is the day when Catur Berata Penyepian is over and Hindus societies usually visit to forgive each other and doing the Dharma Canthi. Dharma Canthi are activities of reading Sloka, Kekidung, Kekawin, etc.(ancient scripts containing songs and lyrics).

NYEPI: Bali's day of silence Part 1


Every religion or culture all over the world has their own way to define and celebrate their new year. For example, the Chinese have the Imlek year and to celebrate it, have, as they called it in their own language, "Gong Xi Fat Choy". The Moslem societies have their Muharam year, and any of the people over the world using the Gregorian calendar, celebrate the New Year on January 1st.

The same thing also occurs in Bali, however the Balinese use many different calendar systems. They have adopted the Gregorian calendar for business and government purposes. But for the endless procession of holy days, temple anniversaries, celebrations, sacred dances, building houses, wedding ceremonies, death and cremation processes and other activities that define Balinese life, they have two calendar systems. The first is the Pawukon (from the word Wuku which means week) and Sasih (which is means month). Wuku consists of 30 items starting from Sinta, the first Wuku and end up with the Watugunung the last one. The Pawukon, a 210-day ritual calendar brought over from Java in the 14th century, is a complex cycle of numerological conjunctions that provides the basic schedule for ritual activities on Bali. Sasih, a parallel system of Indian origin, is a twelve month lunar calendar that starts with the vernal equinox and is equally important in determining when to pay respect to the Gods.

Westerners open the New Year in revelry, however, in contrast, the Balinese open their New Year in silence. This is called Nyepi Day, the Balinese day of Silence, which falls on the day following the dark moon of the spring equinox, and opens a new year of the Saka Hindu era which began in 78 A.D.

Nyepi is a day to make and keep the balance of nature. It is based on the story of when King Kaniska I of India was chosen in 78 A.D. The King was famous for his wisdom and tolerance for the Hinduism and Buddhism societies. In that age, Aji Saka did Dharma Yatra (the missionary tour to promote and spread Hinduism) to Indonesia and introduce the Saka year.

The Beaches of Bali

The island of Bali is blessed with the line of beaches surrounding it.

Sanur.
On the southeastern side of Bali, Sanur beach is easily reachable from Denpasar, about a 5 to 10 minute drive. Sanur is an excellent site to watch the sun rises, as you jog along the white sandy beach. One of the first resort developed in Bali, Sanur maintains its traditions. Only a stone throw away from the beach, ancient temples stand as solemn as they have been in centuries past.

Kuta and Legian
Practically on the opposite side of Sanur, the beaches of Kuta and Legian stretch on the southwestern side of Bali, again only about 5 to 10 minute drive from Denpasar or the airport. Surfing is a major activity in these beaches. Shops, Kecak dance performance, pubs, and other facilities make Kuta a tourist mecca.

Jimbaran
Jimbaran is directly south of the airport, on the way from Denpasar towards Nusa Dua. The village of Jimbaran is the narrow neck of the island of Bali, and thus it has two remarkably different beaches. On the west, Jimbaran Beach faces the Jimbaran Bay, recently lined by new luxurious resorts. On the east, the beach faces the body of water sheltered by Benoa Harbor.

Nusa Dua
Nusa Dua is a new luxurious resort area where the world's most sumptuous hotels gracefully integrate into the beautiful white beaches. Crystal clear water provides excellent snorkeling and diving site, and the waves on the northern and the southern part of Nusa Dua allow for great surfing opportunity.

Soka Beach
Further northwest from Denpasar, on the way to Gilimanuk, the ferry port town that connects Bali and Java, there is a small quiet beach called Soka Beach.

Medewi Beach
Continuing along the path towards Gilimanuk, near the village of Pulukan, the beach of Medewi is another beautiful beach.

Lovina Beach
Near the northern tip of the island of Bali lies a stretch of villages by the Bali Sea. Lovina Beach is the name. It is well known as an excellent site for sunset watching, snorkeling, and diving. Night life activities are also abound, as well as chartered boats to go out into the sea. If you like what Kuta offers but do not like the crowd, Lovina Beach is for you.

Months of Bali buffalos
"Mekepung" (buffalo race) is a thank-giving rites or ritual commemoration which is usually held after having good harvesting. It is usually organized by the cultivator organization (subak) involving hundred buffalos that are going to compete on racing. Annually, the important races are mostly held throughout this part of west Bali around August and September. Therefore for those travelers, who are staying in Bali between that period, get and catch the information about it to your travel agencies.
The racing animals are actually water buffalo, normally docile creatures, which charge down a 2 km stretch of road or beach pulling tiny decorative chariots, in which it is often little more than a sort of plough used in the fields. Rider stands on kneel on top of the chariots forcing the bullocks on, sometimes by twisting their tails to make them (buffalo) follow the curve of the makeshift racetrack.

While, the occasional races are also set up for tourists groups at a park in Perancak on the coast and minor races are held in the general area (best in Perancak). Starting from day break every Sunday, often finishing by noon.
So watch out your time and don't miss this formula one featuring with the buffalo race and make sure to keep your digital camera at hand because you are able to document the amazing annually moment in Bali.

Christmas Day in Bali seems to be Hindu's Galungan Day

DENPASAR (indo.com): This year's December 25 is a special day in Bali as the Balinese Hindus celebrate Saraswati Day while Christians celebrate Christmas.

The Saraswati is a day devoted to Sang Hyang Aji Saraswati, goddess of all knowledge and arts. Balinese Hindus make offerings in the forms of literary works or books in celebrating the day.

On Christmas Day, Christians throughout the world, including those in Bali, celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ

Most churches in Bali start Christmas service at 7 p.m. Many hotels, including Radison, Oberoi and Grand Hyatt, decorate their interior with young banana trees and Christmas trees.

Even though most Balinese are Hindu, other religious adherents, including Christians can observe their religious duties. Balinese Hindus' high sense of tolerance leads other religious adherents to live in harmony.

The word Galungan, for instance, is frequently used by other religious adherents to celebrate their respective religious day.

Many Balinese Hindus regard Christmas Day as Galungan for Christians because Balinese Christians, mostly inhabit several villages in the west border between Denpasar and Tabanan, install decorative long bamboo poles, locally known as 'penjor' in fronts of their house compounds. The sight of 'penjor' is similar with that found when Balinese Hindus celebrate Galungan and Kuningan Day.

Thanks to the harmonious religious interaction, Balinese Christians in Sawan Village, Buleleng Regency frequently name Galungan Kristen or Galungan Day for Christians instead of Christmas Day.

Additionally, different religious adherents in Bali have a tradition of paying a visit to their neighbors who are Christians, especially after Christmas service is over. They give presents, mostly in the forms of basic needs for making meals or cakes, such as sugar and rice. Locals regard the present-giving tradition as a symbol of good wishes when other religious adherents are celebrating their religious day.

As a tourist destination Bali has everything to offer - Great beaches, breathtaking scenery, good food, plenty of nightlife, great shopping, fantastic weather, a fascinating culture and more especially, friendly and warm people.

Although the tourist numbers dwindled since the October bombing last year, the number of tourists visiting the island is steadily on the increase. Garuda Airlines and the Bali Tourism Board have tried all kinds of inducements to increase tourism so that it will return to the boom days of the 90s.

The Bali Arts Festival and the upcoming Ubud Writers Festival are just two of the main drawcards during the year that are guaranteed to attract tourists to the island. But now there is another. I was reading in the Bali Discovery about an exciting program of Ubud-centred cultural events, tours, and an art auction organized by the Bali Bangkit Committee called the Spirit of Bali Revival and to be held July 12-23, 2006.

Bali Doing Business with Europe
Bali Workshop to Seek Wider Business Ties with European Business Community on Saturday, July 8, 2006.
6/22/2006) A global business to business (B2B) workshop co-sponsored by the Global B2B Network, British Chamber of Commerce (BritCham), the Euro Export Network and the Kuta Small Business Association (KSBA) will be held in Bali on Saturday, July 8, 2006.

The session, running all day from 9:00 a.m. until 6:00 p.m., will be held at the Sanur Paradise Plaza Hotel. Global B2B is a network of eleven offices across Indonesia dedicated bringing European-based enterprises and Indonesian Small and Medium Sized Enterprises (SMEs) together through the creation of business linkages between provincial Indonesia and the European Union.

Open to attendance by both European business operators and Bali-based SMEs, the workshop will be a business networking opportunity and an information sessions on major issues affecting the development of trade between Indonesian and Europe. Local business people will be able to participate in a training session providing details on how to gain access to EU business development schemes with valuable tips and insights on B2B training, tuition and mentoring programs.

Free of Charge – Attendance is Limited!

Limited to only 100 participants, participation at the Bali Workshop is on a first-come-first-served basis with reservations available via telephone to the Euro Business Center at ++62-(0)361-759282 or the email link provided.

Bali's Mangrove Forests Under Increasing Threat
Local Lawmakers Differ on Which Government Body Should Have Final Control Over Vital Mangrove Forests.

(6/18/2006) Bali's southernmost regency of Badung is home to critical mangrove forests covering an estimated area of 622 hectares.

In order to preserve this important asset which offers a natural barrier to tidal waves and erosion as well as a natural habitat to a wide range of wildlife and marine creatures, a member of the Badung regional parliament is suggesting that control over the Regency's mangrove forests be given to the regional government of Badung. According to Wayan Puspanegara, a member of Commission B of the Badung Parliament, his suggestion is “not an arrogation of current moves for regional autonomy, but a 'good will' recommendation to preserve the mangroves from various threats."

Quoted in the Indonesian language Bali Post, Puspanegara cited risks posed to Badung's extensive network of mangroves from property developers and local businesses who are trying to reclaim the forests for commercial purposes. The local lawmaker also pointed to incidents where solid and liquid wastes are being disposed of in the environmentally sensitive mangrove zones.

Another local parliamentarian, Bagiana Karang, called for more attention to mangrove preservation to be paid by Bali's provincial government but argues "now is not the time" for control of these areas to be transferred from provincial to regional authorities. Karang called for more coordination between the Provincial Government and the Badung Regency to preserve the mangroves which Karang sees as the "lungs" of the city of Denpasar.

Places of interest and entertainment
Bali is known for its abundant attractions including sparkling beach resorts,achaelogical remains and scenic beauty. Many ways are available to take visitors to those well-known places to enjoy the beauty of Bali from the mountains to the coastline.

Gianyar: The capital-town of Gianyar district with old residence of the former Raja of Gianyar
Gilimanuk: West seaport for Bali -- Java ferry services
Gitgit: Breathtaking waterfall with natural beauty surrounding
Goa Gajah: Ancient hermitage with a Ganesha statue inside, often called the Elephant Cave
Goa Lawah / the Bat Cave: A cave situated in a temple courtyard and inhabitted by thousands of bats
Gunung Kawi: Acient memorial of the Balinese rulers, carved on a solid rock with beatiful surrounding
Jatiluwih: The most fantastic viewing spot of rice-terrace
Jungutbatu: White, sandy beach for surfers and divers on Lembongan island with simple accommodation
Kamasan: Famous for typical traditional paintings, gold, silver and brassworks
Kebon Raya Bedegul: Known for the Botanical Garden with wide selections of plants, and fresh mountain air
Kerambitan: Royal Palace spacious Gamelan Hall
Kintamani: Fresh mountain air with gracious Ulun Danu Temple and simple accommodation
Klungkung: Capital-town of Klungkung District, known for the old Court of Justice 'Kerta Gosa'
Kusamba: Fishermen village with salting-grounds
Kuta: The most well-known tourist resort in Indonesia, with marvelous white-sandy beach and beatiful sunset
Lovina Beach: Restful tourist resort on the northcoast
Mas: Well-known for special quality woodcarving and other handicrafts
Medewi: Pleasant beach for water-sport lovers
Mengwi: Known for Royal Temple Taman Ayun surrounded by moat with Manusa Yadnya Museum nearby
Nusa Dua: Magnificent white-sandy beach with a number of five-star hotels
Padangbai: Ferry to Lombok
Pancasari: Known for the best golf course 'Bali Handara'
Pejeng: Famous for Penataran Sasih Temple with a big bronze kettle-drum inside
Peliatan: Famous for its Legong and Kecak Dances and wood carvings
Penelokan: The literal meaning is 'place for looking', the most fascinating viewing spot overlooks the volcano and Lake Batur
Puleki: Monkey temple with hot spring nearby on the northcoast
Pulau Menjangan: Part of Bali Barat National Park with its underwater beauty and flocks of protected deers
Putung: Scenic point with marvelous panorama strecthing to the valleys with a sparkling sea seen in the distance
Rambut Siwi: Temple on the cliff known as the biggest in Bali
Sangeh: Forest of nutmeg trees with hundreds of monkey inhabitants and Bukit Sari Temple in the middle of it
Sanur: Exciting white, sandy beach known as one of the main tourist resorts with International hotels
Serangan Island: Known as Turtle Island, with diving area and Sekenan Temple
Singaraja: The principal town of Buleleng District formerly the old capital of Bali, known for Gedong Kirtya Museum (Old manuscripts on palmleaf)
Sukawati: Art Market with wide selection of artworks at reasonable prices
Suluban: Excellent beach for surfing
Tampak Siring: Well-known for the Holy Spring Temple with the State Palace on the hill
Tanah Lot: Scenic temple set on a rocky isle known as the best place for watching sunset
Tenganan: Ancient village of the original Balinese, known for 'ikat' handwoven cloth called 'Gringsing'
Tirta Gangga: Old Royal bathing place of the former 'Rajah' of Karangasem with pools
Toya Bungkah: Known for hot spring bathing-place by the Lake Batur
Trunyan: Ancient village of the original Balinese with specific tradition and custom, accessible by boat over the Lake Batur
Tulamben: Fascinating diving area with beatiful underwater scenery and the wreck of S S Liberty
Ubud: Famous among visitors from various countries for Museum of Painting 'Puri Lukisan' and country-side living
Uluwatu: Amazing temple perching on the edge of a steep cliff on the South Coast
West Bali National Park: Covers about 70,000 acres and famous for white starling (Leucopear Rothchildii) and wild bull (Boss Javanicus)
Yeh Pulu: Ancient reliefs on rock wall

Places of interest and entertainment in BALI

Bali is known for its abundant attractions including sparkling beach resorts,achaelogical remains and scenic beauty. Many ways are available to take visitors to those well-known places to enjoy the beauty of Bali from the mountains to the coastline.
Here is a list of some places with brief descriptions:
Air Sani: Tranquil beach with fresh spring pools and accommodation
Alas Kedaton: A temple surrounded by forest monkeys
Amlapura: Principal city of Karangasem district with Raja's Palace
Bangli: The capital-town of Bangli District with beautiful Kehen Temple nearby
Banjar: Hot spring bathing-place with pool on the North coast
Batubulan: Known for stone carving and Barong Dance performance
Batur: Well-known for the active Mount Batur and the lake
Batukaru: Temple on the highland with lush vegetation surrounding
Bedugul: Beautiful lake-temple Baratan with harmonious mountain panaroma
Besakih: The biggest temple in Indonesia, or the Mother Temple, situated on the slope of the sacred Mount Agung
Bona: Center of palm-leaf and bamboo handicrafts
Bukit Jambul: Marvelous scene of rice-terraces
Candi Dasa: Peaceful white, sandy beach complete with accommodation
Canggu: Beach for avid surfers
Celuk: Center of gold and silverworks with artshops
Delod Berawah: Peaceful beach on the west coast
Denpasar: The capital city of the province of Bali with shopping centers, markets, Bali Museum and Art Center

Bali Declaration

The Key is Understanding - The Bali Declaration President Tells Interfaith Meeting to Accommodate All Opinions in Dialogue on Faith.

(7/24/2005) President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono used the occasion of the opening of the AEM Interfaith Conference at the Bali International Convention Center on July 21, 2005, to encourage that even militant voices be granted the chance to be heard in the dialogue to discover common grounds of understanding between the world's great religions.

President Susilo, quoted by the National News Service Antara said, "the dialogue should involve groups representing all faiths. Every voice including those from the so-called militant groups should be heard."

The President's comments formed part of welcoming remarks to the conference hosting representatives from 39 ASEM partners and international observers, government officials, intellectuals, senior journalists and the religious leaders representing, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Judaism.

The Bali Declaration

At the close of the two-day meeting, the participants passed the "Bali Declaration on Building Interfaith Harmony" that:

* Expressed sympathy for victims of the London terror attack on July 7, 2005 and all earlier such attacks, including the Bali bombing of October 12, 2002.

* Reaffirmed the importance of religious freedom in an international atmosphere of peace, tolerance, mutual understanding and respect.

* Acknowledged the wisdom of the world's faiths and religions.

* Acknowledged the various international initiatives promoting dialogue and cooperation among different religions.

* Proclaimed that all the religions represented at the Conference commonly advocate peace, compassion, and tolerance among mankind.

* Proclaimed that the right of individual to choose religion or faith can contribute to upholding respect for the diversity of faiths and religions, which is essential in combating ideologies based on extremism, intolerance, hatred, and the use of violence.

* Proclaimed the need for people of different religions and faiths to stand united against the use of violence to divide mankind; calling on all people to speak up against those who use religion to rationalize terrorism and murder.

* Proclaimed that peace, justice, compassion, and tolerance need to be cultivated and nurtured to help create an environment conducive to building harmony within the international community and people.

* Called on their governments to continue to promote interfaith dialogue.

* Encouraged governments to incorporate interfaith studies in curricula at the post-elementary level to promote understanding and respect for the various faiths and religions, giving due consideration to the specific circumstances of the respective countries.

* Encouraged research through seminars/workshops and other activities to define educational curricula that promote and strengthen interfaith dialogue.

* Called to strengthen cooperation on enhancing the capacity of human resources through exchanges of students, teachers and youth.

* Called for educating society to accept and deal with diversity and to prevent the emergence of extremism and prejudice through activities at the grassroots, national and regional levels.

* Called to prevent the marginalization of religion-based education institutions by integrating them into national education systems and goals.

* Acknowledged the linkages between religions and cultures, to promote shared values to strengthen harmony and understanding in society.

* Called to promote exchanges for better understanding and appreciation of the diverse cultures, religions and faiths at all levels in Asia and Europe.

* Called to promote cross cultural awareness and understanding at all levels of society, particularly among the young.

* Called to strengthen and encourage freedom of _expression as the cornerstone of the participation of the media in promoting interfaith harmony.

* Called to ensure the upholding of ethics in journalism in reporting interfaith issues as well as conscious distinction between news reports and commentaries.

* Called for the upholding media professionalism and social responsibility by overcoming tendencies towards negativism and avoiding news labeling which lead to stereotyping religion and believers.

* Called to encourage religious/community groups to be more proactive in engaging the media to promote balanced coverage as a means of fostering greater understanding of religions and cultures.

* Called to urge the media to provide more time and space to cover issues and developments relating to intra-faith and interfaith dialogue and cooperation.

* Called for the promotion of exchange programs and scholarships to create networks among media personnel in Asia and Europe to share best practice and generate a greater pool of resources by involving media organizations, religious communities as well as governments.

* Called to define and promote common values, such as the respect for human rights and the protection of environment.

* Called on everyone to combat corruption in all its forms.

* Encouraged and supports the establishment of mechanisms within respective religious communities to strengthen ethical behavior and commonly-shared moral values.

* Called to make use of existing interfaith organizations and institutions

French Cooking as Easy as 'Un, Deux, Trois'
Bali Celebrity Chef Chris Salans Uses Modern Food Technology to Bring Traditional French Dishes to Areas Far Removed from his Signature Restaurant – Mozaic.

(6/19/2006) American-born, but reared in the atmosphere of a French kitchen, Cordon Bleu Chef Chris Salans has earned a permanent pace in Bali's culinary hall of fame via his highly regarded restaurant Mozaic.

Set in a verdant, Heliconia-ringed garden - Mozaic offers diners one of Bali's most unique dining experiences built on world class gastronomic cuisine in combination with impeccable service. Using a passion for cooking with only the finest ingredients, honed during past employments with two 3-star Michelin restaurants, Salan's Ubud eatery is one of only two Southeast Asian restaurants recognized by the prestigious Tradition et Qualité Association as a member of "Les Grande Tables Du Monde" - a grouping including many of the world's most highly regarded dining venues.

Introducing French Cuisine

Eager to share his culinary expertise beyond the 60 seats available at Mozaic each evening, Chris Salans is now increasing the reach of his cooking empire to provide quality food to areas spread across Indonesia.

Determined that good food should be available to diners at functions in remote venues or workers in remote locations, Chris Salan hass just launched the somewhat generically branded "French Cuisine" using modern technology that guarantees a safe and hygienic food product in a ready-to-eat, high-quality format. Delicious dishes are carefully prepared by talented chefs in a commissary kitchen and then stored and chilled in sealed vacuum packs.

Easily handled and transported, the food packs can then can be stored for 2 weeks, or longer when frozen. And, best of all, unskilled personnel in the field need only to warm the original packages in hot water for 5 to 10 minutes before plating the dish before appreciative diners.

Chris Salans hosted a gala launching party to introduce his new line of "French Cuisine" at a private villa in Sanur's historic Batujimbar Estate on Friday, June 16, 2006.

Saying goodbye to Josh Grillo in Seminyak Bali
By Dodyx,Juni 2006 |



Two years ago I was a single man. Two years ago today I was saying goodbye to Josh Grillo and friend from N. Carolina, who had been on a surfing trip here.

My house off of Jl. Dhyana Pura was still being equipped with bbq gear and I remember we had a hell of a party, the floor ending up pretty wet and everybody dancing. All Josh's friends were connections from college, very cool they all kept in touch, even though 2 were married.

One of the funny moments of our last night together, was during our dinner at Rumours, on Jl. Oberoi, 4 sexy dancers strolled in and started performing. I loved it, there were 2 on the counter and 2 more in between the tables. One of our party who was married, was reprimanded by his wife for 'acting like he had never seen a woman before'. So funny. Rumours is still an okay deal for western food, although not the bargain basement it once was. You can still get a damn good beef stroganoff for around 30,000rp.

During Josh's trip out to Bali he went to Lombok and Sumbawa, and told me some of the best surfing he's ever done was at Lakey Peak in Sumbawa.

ROMANCE COMPREHENSION
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't
understand a woman--
before marriage and after marriage. ....


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must
understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his
mistakes, there's no use
in two people remembering the same thing.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, and she does.